I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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