We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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