I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
