I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
