just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
