I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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