Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
