If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
