I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
