is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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