Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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