You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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