you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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