Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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