I cockslap morals
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
