I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
