I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you will always have a special place in my vag
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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