i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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