they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
