I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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