i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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