we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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