just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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