So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
try to milk me bitch
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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