pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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