I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
