I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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