Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
