hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
