woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
