Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
