i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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