I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
