I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
