Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
