I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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