just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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