He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bring me that man meat
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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