I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
