I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
40s are totally the cure
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize