he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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