I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
