My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
