Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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