How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The best revenge is premature balding
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
