with your own penis?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
