i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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