You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
