you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
