You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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