it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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