You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
