I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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