thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
