so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
