i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
