alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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