My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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