Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
