Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
we should paint friendship bongs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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