She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
