you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
