What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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