the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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