hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
