He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
