i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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