sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
