you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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