Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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