apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
