Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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