is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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