Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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